Mark Gilroy

Bringing Books to Life!

It Wasn’t My Fault

(But You’re Still the Only One Who is Responsible for It)

We won’t be defined by our setbacks as much as we will for our comebacks.

It wasn’t my fault. There is a broad spectrum of emotional and intellectual responses, often polarized, when hearing that phrase stated by someone who has suffered a setback in life. But taken at face value, it wasn’t my fault, is often correct. You, they nor I have done little to bring certain losses or setbacks to fruition in our lives.

Life Isn’t Always Fair

If you are driving your car carefully but a careless driver runs a stop sign or switches lanes without looking or fails to stop because they are distracted, then the accident absolutely isn’t your fault.

If you are faithful, attentive, affirming, loving, fun, and full of other positive attributes within your marriage but your spouse is unfaithful, inattentive, unaffirming, hateful, and full of other negative dynamics in your marriage, then an un-wanted divorce isn’t your fault.

If the company you’ve worked hard and effectively to build for years suddenly hits financial woes due to unforeseen events (like a pandemic) and subsequently lays off half the workforce, you included, then your loss of employment isn’t your fault.

If you live a reasonably healthy lifestyle that includes a good diet, exercise, positive thinking, loving relationships, and the practice of no major health risks but you receive a bleak cancer diagnosis after an anomaly is discovered at annual checkup, it isn’t your fault.

Life isn’t always fair. People aren’t always fair. The benefits we grew up with aren’t equal and are often unfair. Some things just happen outside our control, including floods, pandemics, illness, economic depression, wars, crime, and more. There is nothing wrong or weak in acknowledging that many events and conditions that crash into your life aren’t your fault.

There is an important distinction that needs to be noted, however. Saying, it wasn’t my fault, does not mean that you aren’t responsible for accepting where you are and for working on what happens next. To deny responsibility for your life—the good, the bad, and the ugly—flips what happens next from it wasn’t my fault to I’m the only one to blame. (Jimmy Buffet wrote a song about that I think.)

Yes, you and we and I have all been victimized by others and by the seemingly random storms of life. But that is never the end of the story. A setback need not be what defines us.

Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors

The biblical story of Joseph is filled with fortune and calamity; tragedy and redemption; betrayal and reconciliation; incredible success and abject failure. You can read about Joseph in Genesis 37-50. His story is so incredible that is found in other texts. A shorter version of Joseph’s life is told in the Koran, where he is the only prophet to be given his own chapter.

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12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos

Make This the Next Book You Read

A book that wants the best for you!

Jordan Peterson, a Canadian Psychologist, has become a viral sensation because of his media interviews and YouTube presentations on practical and controversial topics covering personal growth and healthy relationships like child-rearing, marriage, the meaning behind religion, friendship, personal responsibility, equality, and gender issues (from assumptions about toxic masculinity to transgender studies). Based on consuming a number of those interviews and presentations, I started reading 12 Rules with a definite expectation of a clear, pithy, and practical path to self-improvement. After all, don’t all of us know, any book with a set number of secrets, principles, rules, precepts or irrefutables will include some common assumptions, a few surprises, and always, in an easy-to-digest style? That leads to my recommendation that you read the 12 Rules, though it is seasoned with a warning and wrapped in a book review!

A Recommendation

Read it. Or listen to it. Sooner than later. As in, your next book. Peterson is so brutally honest (one of his rules is to tell the truth or at least not lie) that you can’t help but be a little more forthcoming with yourself and others in the reading. He is so willing to go against popular culture and the PC ethos of academia that you’ll feel a bit like a bold and strong bulwark against the fickle winds of enlightened conformity. He is so versed in not only his field of behavioral psychology but also philosophy and religion and literature and history that you will feel smarter whether or not you understand every word of the book. He is so down-to-earth practical that your are going to be challenged to take responsibility for your personal life and the way you interact with others—and help those others while doing so.

The second rule, treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping, is case in point. Peterson uses statistics and studies to shine a spotlight on the sad truth that many people treat their pets better than they treat themselves. For example, it is more likely that a person will fill a medicinal prescription for their cat or dog than they will for themselves. His argument sparkles as he warns us in this chapter:

You need to articulate your own principles, so you can defend yourself against others’ taking advantage of you. You must keep the promises you make to yourself, and reward yourself, so that you can trust and motivate yourself.

That quote alone is worth a five-star review and recommendation. But there are still a couple of warnings!

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I’m Positive! My Covid-19 Story

I just got news that I’m positive! I have the antibodies that fight Covid-19 coursing through my bloodstream. Despite having had next to no symptoms and having tested negative for the actual virus seven weeks ago, it was good to get confirmation. I knew I had had it.

Here’s a quick rundown of my story with a note of encouragement at the end.

Eight weeks ago we were blessed to have daughter, son-in-law, grandson, and grandson’s Au Pair move in with us. They live on the Upper Eastside of Manhattan, so it seemed wise for them to get out of New York City for safety sake. Problem is they either brought it here or got it here.

Looking for the Culprit!

We’ve got options on who spread it in the family. My wife, Amy, is a flight attendant and flew on a full plane to Honolulu days before they got here. Son-in-law’s parents live across the street from us and were hastily beating a retreat from London. Baby went to a play class the day before the flight to Nashville. Son-in-law went to the office on the Friday morning that they flew out of NYC (the city was still open and companies were just beginning to give the option of working from home). I had been going to the YMCA every day before it abruptly shut down because a worker tested positive.

So take your pick. Who was Patient 0 in our two households? (We’ve had fun with that one!) It obviously doesn’t matter does it? Despite thinking we were following best practices early (disposable gloves, masks, only essential shopping, no socializing with friends and neighbors, and gallons of hand sanitizer), we got invaded by Covid-19. In our two households, we took seven tests. Five came back positive.

My Covid-19 test was negative, but when Amy tested positive two weeks later, it was pretty obvious I was exposed! I finally went to get the antibody test yesterday and my doctor called back today with the positive result.

I think it reasonable to suspect that everyone in our two households has had it, including baby.

Suffice it to say, we feel incredibly blessed:

The only person to have a temperature was Amy. She was up one degree for one day. No one felt sick more than three days. The most interesting symptom was loss of smell and taste. In fact, that is why I went in for the antibody test. I never got sick but had a couple days where I could barely taste food. (Didn’t stop me from eating it.)

What I Suspect

I suspect (and have suspected from the beginning) that a lot more people have or have had Covid19 than will ever show up on reports. I suspect that my story will prove to be the norm. I suspect death rates will be at the bottom range of expert’s predictions and projections. But that doesn’t change the fact that due to the high contagion rate, there will be a painful and sobering number of deaths worldwide. But I suspect we still need to get back to normal as much as possible because the contagiousness of the virus is finding a way to reach even the most quarantined. I suspect it’s not a matter of if you will get exposed, but when you will get exposed. I suspect that herd immunity is what will move us through this crisis most quickly and with the fewest losses.

I’m not a epidemiologist and I haven’t even stayed at a Holiday Inn Express lately. So please note that the above paragraph is not medical or public policy advice. It’s fine if you disagree with me. I won’t hate you if you do and I hope you likewise won’t hate me for a different point of view. After hearing normally sane people say insane things, I’ve run hard from the political diatribes surrounding a horrible occurrence. I hope my repeated use of the phrase “I suspect” makes clear I am giving my opinion based on my personal experience.

We don’t know for sure, but the prevailing opinion is that by testing positive for having the Covid-19 antibodies, I am no longer a threat in the public square. I still plan to follow the rules, if for no other reason than to help those who don’t know that I tested positive not feel unsafe and uncomfortable.

Just a Word of Encouragement

I’ve been reluctant to share my family’s story because there’s such rancor and recrimination in the air. You don’t have to turn on the TV to feel the finger-pointing anger over a pandemic that hit and spread like wildfire.

But I want to conclude with a quick note of encouragement. With faith and optimism, we’re going to be okay. If you do contract Covid-19, I pray you have as easy time with it as my family. If it hits you hard, I pray that you have abundant strength and healing and a deep knowledge that you are loved and not alone.

If you get hit by the ripple effects of Covid-19 (and I suspect that is going to get all of us in one form or another), I pray that you rediscover and affirm all the resources that are yours spiritually, relationally, in ability, and in all the intangible but real gifts you have than cannot be stolen or destroyed. Commit to resiliency and know that you are going to bounce back.

It was Winston Churchill who said, “Never let a good crisis go to waste.” We’ve heard variations of those words repeated in cynical fashion throughout the Covid-19 crisis. But I’ve decided to take the sentiment to heart and let it be in service to faith rather than cynicism!

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 NLT