Mark Gilroy

Bringing Books to Life!

Life Lessons After a Tragic Loss

Icy RoadsOn January 12,2011, the bus carrying the Mount Union College wrestling team hit a snow plow while driving in wintry conditions. Thankfully no students were seriously hurt though there were a few minor injuries … but tragically the team trainer was killed.

A friend who grew up with the Mount Union coach, Mark Hawald, forwarded the following public email that he sent out to his contact list. Even if you know nothing about amateur wrestling and aren’t particularly into sports, he has distilled some incredible life lessons learned in the face of a tragic loss. Hopefully you and I are able to glean and apply some truths from this email as we say a prayer for all those intimately connected with the tragedy.

The experience the Mount Union Wrestling Family went through Tuesday night was something I hope no other coach ever has deal with.  On the way home from a dual meet, our team’s bus was involved in an accident which took the life of our trainer and friend, Dan Gorman.  My assistant coach suffered a broken wrist, and thankfully there were no other injuries.

This has been a difficult and confusing time for both my team and me.   Dan was more than a trainer to us.  He was like our fifth coach.  He attended all of our practices and home meets, and some of our away meets.  Dan was a mentor to me and my wrestlers and always had advice on how to be a better person, so I want to use this experience as Dan would, as a way to help others grow and improve their own lives.  I hope I can pass on what I have learned to others and that they will not have to experience anything like this to learn such valuable lessons.

I have learned to better appreciate the people who deserve my appreciation.  I thought Dan was an amazing trainer.  I often referred to him as “the smartest person I know.”  His mat side diagnosis was usually the same as the one given by a specialist weeks later after looking an X-Ray or MRI.  Beyond his profession, Dan provided incredible life lessons and insight to anyone who was willing to listen.  He made my job as a coach easier because I knew that my wrestlers would become better people after spending just a few minutes with him.  I appreciated Dan for everything he did for this team, but I don’t know how clear I made that to him.  As my wrestlers discussed winning a conference title to honor Dan, I interrupted and said the best way to honor Dan is to model ourselves after him and become better people.  We need to better appreciate the people who deserve our appreciation, let them know how much they mean to us, say thank you for the impact they have made on our lives, and try to be the Dan Gorman is someone else’s life.

I have learned that the rewards of wrestling do not always show on the mat.  Tuesday was the worst moment in my coaching career, but also my proudest.  I often leave practice frustrated.  If my guys don’t work as hard as they should or can’t figure something out I ask myself what am I doing wrong as a coach or what is wrong with my guys that they are not doing exactly what they should.  I learned Tuesday night that I have succeeded as a coach and that my wrestlers are exactly the men that I want them to be.  When faced with a crisis, these young men were true champions.  The lessons they have learned from this sport were apparent on Tuesday night.  We had a goal to save our dear friend.  They worked together and did everything they could.  Everyone played an important role.  Those with “medical” experience immediately put their attention on Dan, some ventured out into the cold to set up flares, waive down vehicles, and assess the situation of the bus, some comforted the girls (our managers) who were shook up from the accident, and the rest gathered close to stay warm and started praying.  I hope other coaches too will learn that although our guy does not always get his hand raised, we are playing a crucial role in developing real-world champions.

I have learned is that the brotherhood known as wrestling is the one of the strongest, most dependable, and most honorable groups of individuals on this planet.  The support that this team has received has been unbelievable.  I have received support from across the state and across the country.  From high schools and colleges.  From all divisions.  Our biggest competitors have become our biggest supporters.  I lost count early yesterday of how many programs have extended their support.  I have seen the worst situation bring out the absolute best in people.  We decided to still hold our tournament we had scheduled for Sunday at the request of Dan’s wife.  She said that carrying on our lives and acting no different is what Dan would have wanted.  I have had multiple coaches tell me that they would be willing to run the tournament or provide other help.  Words cannot express what this support means to the team and to me.  Wrestlers who quit my team for whatever reason, were waiting for us when we returned to campus to offer their support.  I hope that people reading this will not wait for the worst situation to bring out their best.

I hope this message can be valuable to anyone who has suffered any type of loss and that in sharing this message, others can grow from this as the members of my team have and continue to.

Lastly, here are a few specific messages to different groups involved in our sport…

WRESTLING PARENTS
Your children are in the hands of the finest men on the planet.  Every coach I know in this sport is a great man and will do anything for your son.  Wrestling coaches will try to make a better wrestler, but will definitely make a better man.

WRESTLERS
Cherish every moment you have in this sport.  You have chosen to surround yourself among the greatest peers in your teammates and the greatest role models in your coaches.  Practice is tough.  Cutting weight is tough.  Losing is tough.  But so is life.  What you learn in this sport will be the most valuable lessons you will learn in life.

COACHES
As we waited for the emergency crew to arrive, I was holding blankets over Dan and rubbing his arms trying to keep him warm.  While our student trainer was trying to get him back, I started talking to Dan.  I was saying “Stay tough” and “You can do this” and “Dig Deep” and other things like that.  I caught myself and realized that these were the same things I say to my wrestlers when times get tough in a match or at practice.  I was looking forward to having a good laugh about it with Dan and my team when he would make his return.  I will not have the opportunity to have this reunion, but this did make me realize that in a crisis situation, I fell back on the wrestling coach that I am.  This situation has taught me that our value to these young men is greater than I could have ever imagined.  Don’t forget who you are and the impact you have on so many people’s lives.

John Wooden – RIP

On June 4, 2010, John Wooden died a the age of 99 in Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center. He was named by his peers as the greatest team sport coach in American sporting history. Humble, selfless, caring, he won 10 NCAA national championships – something he never talked about – as coach at UCLA.

He was a three-time All American at Purdue and won a national championship there as a player. He then coached high school and taught English for 11 years before entering the college ranks. During his tenure at UCLA, which began in 1948, he had four perfect seasons, had an 88-game winning streak, won 7 straight national championships, won 38 straight games in the NCAA tournament, was elected into the College Basketball Hall of Fame as both a coach and a player, and many other accomplishments.

But Wooden, a small-town country boy from Indiana never wavered in his values on the road to the bright lights of Tinseltown.

As a teacher, he began every basketball season by showing his players how to put their socks on the right way. He never talked to them about winning or losing; just living their lives with character. He designed a pyramid of success that he felt would make players victors not only on the court but in all of life. It included values like industriousness, loyalty, enthusiasm, initiative, alertness, poise, honesty, confidence, and other traits that were as much about being a good person as a good basketball player. As a coach, he didn’t bully, he didn’t cuss, he didn’t run the most sophisticated systems. “He was really more like a parent than a coach,” said Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

The theme he spoke of most is love and the great love his life was Nellie, his wife of 53 years. She was his first love and the only girl he ever kissed. After her death, he would sit down on the 21st of each month and write her a love letter that he would then leave on her pillow. Sports columnist Rick Reilly often asked him if he could use the letters as the basis of a book they could write together on making love last. Even decades after her death Wooden, with tears running down his cheeks, would say it was too recent and he needed more time

The Wizard of Westwood was an icon for coaches who are themselves icons. His players speak of him reverentially. Bill Walton said that some of Coach Wooden’s quotes and sayings – Woodenisms – that he snickered at as a player are the words he has on his walls and has taught his own children.

Just a sample of Woodenisms that will endure beyond his death are:

Ability is a poor man’s wealth.

Adversity is the state in which man mostly easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then.

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Consider the rights of others before your own feelings, and the feelings of others before your own rights.

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

Don’t measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability.

 Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. Courage is what counts.

If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?

If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes.

It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.

 It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.

Material possessions, winning scores, and great reputations are meaningless in the eyes of the Lord, because He knows what we really are and that is all that matters.

Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.

John Wooden. RIP.

college football still packs a punch

Baseball may be America’s pastime but football is America’s passion when it comes to sports. (I have a friend who has dubbed the summer sport as basebore. Wake me up when the world series starts.)

The NFL finished its preseason – and no one knows why they even hold a preseason in the first place (unless it had something to do with money). This weekend they keep real score and the games count in the final standings.

College football came out of the corner swinging last Thursday – literally if you check the video below – with Oregon visiting Boise State and losing on BSU’s Smurf-blue football field that makes TV screens and viewers’ eyes beg for mercy. By now everyone in the world that watches ESPN highlights has seen the sucker punch thrown by a frustrated Oregon player at the end of the game as players were exiting the field. Not quite the punch CFB wanted thrown on a weekend dedicated, ironically, to sportsmanship. (Note: This is real irony, not just the bad luck and tragedy masqueraded as irony by Alanis Morissette in her song Isn’t It Ironic?). But I digress. And despite a black eye administered to sportsmanship, there was plenty of on field highlights for football junkies who have been suffering withdrawal pains for the past eight months.

My Buckeyes played a less than impressive game against the Naval Academy – putting in the second string quarterback in the second quarter is not a recipe for maintaining momentum in what looked like an emerging blowout. But it was good sportsmanship – so count one for the Buckeyes – just like the way the two teams ran onto the field together before kickoff. This was a first ever happening in storied Ohio Stadium. All week leading up to the game head coach Senator Tressell had let it be known that he did not want servicemen being booed – a friendly tradition in Ohio Stadium and a couple hundred other venues each Saturday afternoon of CFB season. In fact, Tressell wanted Navy’s players to be given a standing ovation. Glad it worked. We’ve booed the home team before, too.

Based on one week of results, the sports guru pundits are pretty sure who is really good and who is really bad already. They’ll be wrong a fair amount of the time and by season’s end express indignation with teams that didn’t perform as they predicted. Of course the problem will be the team not their ability to predict. (Note: Only a few of the pundits predict any more. Most now pronounce. Better ratings.)

Not surprising, Lou Holtz has already declared Notre Dame as national champions. The term “SEC speed” was used no less than 300 times on ESPN. And then a thousand more times once the games started. Oklahoma got upset by BYU and lost their Heisman winning QB, Sam Bradford, for an indefinite stretch of games. Michigan looked like the Wolverines again – maybe they’ve been practicing extra. Speaking of which, I am all for eschewing the tie and deciding games in overtime, but it doesn’t mean I can’t still hope and pray that when Michigan and Notre Dame play next week they end with a 0-0 final score highlighted by 20 fumbles.

So who is going to win the national championship? And who do I think is going to be really good and bad this year? Rather than separate the sheep and the goats and impute or impinge character on the basis of winning, as a spectator, I’ll hide behind the words of Teddy Roosevelt:

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotion, spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never tasted victory or defeat.

On that note, all I can say is “Go Bucks. Beat USC!”

College football still packs a punch!